Molded in Love: Piece by Piece
My mother and I have gone through our fair share of trials.
A recent trial that weighs heavily in my mind– opened my eyes to the real world.
Then, I was a recipient of Section 8 in our current state, Pennsylvania. Through the numerous moves in our lives, we stuck with the family motto of togetherness, in pursuit of assisting my sister with her kids.
This sense of togetherness has left me spoiled; dependent on others with the wayward belief that trust was a transparent transaction. Even if past relationships have shown me time and time again that people are not honest or good at heart, I selfishly clung to the idea that there was some good in everyone. The “You get what you give.”
Unfortunately, transparency was not the key to getting what I wanted. Even if my intentions were good at heart. You see, the day that shifted our peace entirely was a phone call with our landlord. It was a callback regarding a conflict between a neighbor and my mother. The phone call was supposed to be brief, with assurance that justice would be served to the neighbor who has been harassing us, chipping away at our peace since we moved. Instead, the enemy had other plans. They were biased. Accusations upon accusations were thrown at the women who raised me. Some hinting towards quite degrading racial and cultural differences. The symbol of strength in my family was labeled as loud and violent. Standing up for yourself meant you had to be quiet while you let those who tried to take power over you win. My words fell short, my mind went blank. In that moment of thoughtlessness, I wanted an escape; I wanted peace for everyone. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I gave the enemy just what he wanted when I cowered in my fear.
“I’m not happy here.”
The brutal truth led my mother and me down a rabbit hole of trickery and hardship, scrambling to find a new place to live, with our finances running thin. As the days drew on, I witnessed firsthand the brutality of a government that turned its back on the people it promised to help. I saw just how flawed and immoral the world could be. “It’s not my problem” was written on the faces of those who cared little for the system’s patrons. We fended for ourselves, with God as our only anchor. He gave…took away opportunities and used what the enemy meant for evil countless times.
During this trial, I saw His hand at work. I was able to understand the pain that my mother went through in her past- the hardships she went through to qualify for the Section 8 program as an immigrant, at the time. And the same sense of “abandonment” you feel when there is no security behind the same program that was put in place to help those in it. From the pain and acceptance of the infliction I allowed to reign on both of us, I saw that God was waking me up from a flawed system: blind trust. It was time to grow up, stand on my own two feet, and work towards the path he had set for me.
Today, I write this not to wallow in despair of the mistakes I’ve made, nor to gain the sympathy of my readers, but to express that through this uncomfortable storm, God has provided me a way out. With no idea of how my mother and I would get out of that toxic space, He gave us a key to a new door, and with that, a new life. Now, I live in another apartment, free from the ties of my past. Steadily, being more independent and less dependent on what the world has to offer.
So I come to you today to say that whatever tethers you to this world is truly not your own. It hates you and can’t wait to deceive and dry every last bit of hope left in you. While I was at risk of homelessness, I felt ashamed, drained of all the energy I had going to work and after. Still, God gave me the strength to move forward. Instead of wasting away, He told me, “I’m going to get you through this.” With nothing left but faith, I believed.
I followed the signs, the gentle whispers, and knew that even in the silence, he would be here. Even in my waiting, His Love will guide me Home. And just as my mother and I were driving around for apartments, there it was. With some friendly help, we found an apartment and secured the financing we needed to rent it. Now, I have a better job that is steadily helping my mother and me get back on our feet.
Though I know my story doesn’t end here.
There will be more growth and more changes. But if there is one thing I learned, it is that the LORD will provide, so long as we are obedient and have the faith to trust in Him. Just like he provided the sacrificial ram to Abraham, God will provide what you need at the right moment in your life, even if it feels like you’re alone and have nothing left.
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MY JESUS LOVE STORY
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A quiet moment with God
Prayer:
I hope you were able to read this story and reflect on it, and I pray that this narrative of my past has touched your life. May God go with you, teach you, and grant you wisdom and understanding as you reflect on your life and on where He has worked in you out of Love. I pray that your love story will draw you closer to God, build a relationship with him, and spread his word to others. I pray we continually learn, practice, and enact love for one another and serve one another as one house. May you stay blessed in your endeavors, and I pray that you remember that God always loves you. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
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